Take The Lead!!

Picture: overlooking from our olives and grapes farm

Uncertainty is something I strongly dislike. I always had a plan and my life is usually scheduled. Just like my fellow citizens, I planned for my retirement even before I had a job. All I dreamt of was a good salary, health insurance, and social security. By the age of 28 I would imagine myself owning a house, car and enough cash to get married and start a family. By the age of 30 I would imagine myself having 2 kids and working hard to give them a better life. The kids go to college and I get ready for retirement. I would see myself almost doing nothing more because I worked enough in the young age. That was the plan if I had been given the lead.

I submitted to the Leader of all leaders, the Almighty One who became the Captain of my life. But learning the lesson is hard and yielding to the new life is time consuming. I still do some things according to the old ways: think and act impulsively based on my worldly conduct. Sometimes the heart is not fully aware of the danger of these ways and it is so deceiving. I think it is easier for me to do things the old ways because it is familiar, comfortable and above all, I have the lead. I have control of the rein. Deep in my heart I know the truth but it takes great faith to depend on someone else to do “my own” things. Deep in my heart I know that He is in control but it is frightening to let go of the rein.

I was given all the time that I needed to be totally free: free from serving my own sinful desires and from the lies of the evil one. The Leader worked in my life and made all things work together for my advantage. He revealed to me that He cares for me. He led me besides the still water and his provision is much more than I expected. He did not only protect me but also showed me favor even in the eyes of my enemy. He made me whole when He put in my heart the desire to do His will. The Leader is opening more doors and soon I believe He is going to use me for His glory.

What more can I ask for! "Take the lead!!! Thank You for each step of Your perfect lead."

Yummy Food: Mansaf

This is an exquisite dish served on special occasions called "Mansaf". It is a layered dish that has bread spread out in the bottom, then rice, topped with goat meat or lamb and sprinkled with peanuts and parsley. Hot yogurt soup (from where the meat is cooked) is poured to the dish as the grand finale.

This one is served with the goat head to very important guests.

It is traditionally served in huge trays where everyone delved their spoons in. Yummy!!!

It Is Time

Picture: This is a date tree photographed near the shore of the Red Sea
It has been 5 months since we arrived in Jordan. The honeymoon stage on the first month had passed and we are now experiencing the reality of settling in the land of my husband’s forefathers. We are home. We experienced kind acceptance by the O. family and clan as well as outright rejection by some friends. We experienced welcome arms as well as indifference. Most important of all, we have had constant streams of visitors. We have ample chance to serve and chat with them. People talk about politics and religion everywhere. Sometimes, I get real nervous when passionate “conversations” occur; It has been a time of treading in the waters.
One of the hurdles that we face was our application for business permit. Dan was given several “interviews” and since he cannot compromise, his application was declined. He felt like Paul, appealing to Rome, insisting on his rights to no avail. It is a humbling experience to feel like a second class citizen. Another concern is the delayed release of my residence visa. Dan was called to ‘report’ again... Morever, we had an emotional blow from another miscarriage; It was a time of suspense and uncertainty.
Our Father opened new avenue for us last month. We found teaching posts respectively. This redirection encourages us. We have some “bread and butter”, which uplifted our inner selves. He calmed our worries and fears, too. We are pressed but not crushed, because we are assured that His eye is on the sparrow and continually experience His watching eyes on us; It is a time of making melodies in our hearts.
The month of Ramadan is over. People in the village showed devotion in prayer and fasting and alms giving. A relatively huge mosque in our small village was officially opened this month. We suspected that our presence seemed to made the villagers cling closer to their traditions and duties. On a larger scale, Jordan is reacting against western (or modern) influence and effectively took a traditional, conservative and religious outlook. I have learned their psyche of shame, denial and blame. It is astoundingly deep. At the same time, pedagogy and child development have a different twist in this part of the world. At least in my area, children are not spanked. They are used to get their own way. I was amazed to see parents or adults give a stick to their kids and fight them roughly. My conservative upbringing made me feel embarrassed (but also proud and pleased) to see that kids are affectionately kissed in public. Something I haven't expected in this culture. In many ways, here is a huge rocky field. Many farmers are downhearted and confused. It is truly a serious time to engage in pleading, crying, fasting and praying.
Today, Dan’s father fell and had a fractured nose. He ages 80++ and is a strong man. This incident frightened the family. It reminded us that life is fragile. Every opportunity counts. As we continually face, question and pursue our ‘uncomfortable’ zone, we know the one who called us is faithful. Friends, it is time to let our light shine so that people may see our good works and glorify our Father.

Love Them

Loving them was the hardest lesson that I ever encountered. They drive me crazy but the Master insisted that I have to love them unconditionally... I tried but it is not working. He looked at me and saw my struggles. I told Him, "What should I do, Master? I am trying but it seems so hard for me to do it myself. Could you help me, please?!" He was surprised by my answer. I think He thinks I am bad (I might be...). It is hard to love, isn't it? I looked into His sad eyes and realized that He still loves me. His smile showed me that He never stopped loving me...but he was mad at me and so sad. He looks disappointed but why?
After my talk to Him, I went home but could not stop thinking of my Master's look. I asked myself, "Why my Master is like this? Why don't He just love His friends? Period. For a while I thought all people are simply doing what I do: love my friends and ignore the rest of the world. But when I went to my bed and before I closed my eyes, a voice was telling me, "Why don't you look to your wife?! She is serving and showing great love to the same people you are having hard time to love. She is not obligated to love your people ( since she is from a different race) but she does. Why do you think she is doing so? (the voice stopped)
Then my eyes opened to see the truth. I went to the mirror to see my face...the true me. I think I know the reason for not being able to love "them"... yes, I think I know it. It is me. It is the past inside me... I need to beg Him to rescue me from me.