The Language

I have been confused these past years. I was literally at loss for words. I have been swayed like a shrimp in the sea, tossed here and there with the different languages that I’ve heard and mastered. Then the ultimate question came one day… what is my heart’s language? I mean the heart language that I can communicate with the intimacy as well as respect to one dear being, to God. As a child, I’ve prayed in Chinese. So my Chinese prayers have terms that define my reverence and submissive spirit.  It would seem that I have inherited the formality of prayer in the Chinese language. Then I started feeling comfortable with a bit of Filipino in my prayers and Bible reading as a young adult.  Filipino is the language that I used to converse, it is a “street” language where I can easily express the joy and sorrow in my heart. It is the language that I speak and joke around with my good friends. So addressing God in Filipino is using a language that seems to express the vulnerability of my heart. Then I switched to English when I moved abroad. It is the language that I read with and compose with the most. It was in schools and academic writing that I’ve fluently mastered this language.

Now in the prime of my life, few days before I reach the 40 status quo, I am still learning another language that would eventually shape my identity.  I do feel that I’m in this cocoon where I will emerge, although, it does escape me as to what I will become. Yet the search remained crucial: how do I speak my heart to God?  My greatest consolation is that, God will understand the slightest sigh that I’ve made in any languages.